A Child’s Wish

Like the last leaf in winter,

Sometimes I hang on too long.

If it is something good –

A relationship, a place, an experience,

A lipstick color, really great ice cream –

I want it in my life forever.

Afraid to leave behind the good I know,

To allow the change to change me,

I just don’t want to let go.

I don’t think I’m greedy,

I think I just love too tightly.

(When you’ve had things ripped away from you,

Maybe you tend to hold fast and hard.)

I’m working on a lighter grip,

A turning over, a letting go.

“If you love someone, set them free.”

I know you have to make space

For something new to come through.

Yet, still, I love who and what I love.

And in my heart of hearts,

I wish it could last forever.

So like a child, I let go begrudgingly.

I blink back the tears, await what comes next.

 

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: leaf

Pay It Forward

Commit yourself to a mighty purpose.

– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I was saved, in large part, by reading and acting.

Growing up, my friends, my hope, my pleasure, my education all came from what I watched and read. As this was before the internet, this meant books, magazines, television shows and movies.

I had friends, sure. And a family. But I didn’t trust most people, with good reason due to early trauma. So I turned to other resources for help. To what was available to me as a child: books and television.

Through them, I could enter into other worlds and become a part of them. This saved me from the intense loneliness I felt, the extreme “otherness.”

I have no doubt that were it not for books and movies, I would have descended into a kind of madness that might not have turned out so well.

Fortunately, I had a library and a television at my disposal. They brought me works that gave me hope that another life could be made for myself. They gave me company. They gave me connection.

Today, as I navigate my life as a performer and as a writer, I can think of no higher purpose for myself than to create work that can do the same for someone else.

I am on a never-ending quest to examine and understand both the light and the dark sides of human behavior. I’m drawn to works that explore and celebrate the human spirit. Stories of how people rise above the problems of life and the human condition to make change and follow their hearts. I have a soft spot for the seemingly ordinary moments and people in life: the underdog; the unsung heroes; the quiet, small moments that can sometimes hold a lifetime.

It’s my mission to collaborate deeply and bravely as an actor and singer with all of the people who make up a production, so that together we can create stories to inspire, educate, elicit, and evoke. To wake people up so that they may live life more fully and authentically and to embrace their lives.

I also volunteer as a reader with SAG-AFTRA Foundation’s BookPALS program. I read storybooks to kindergartners in hopes of sparking a lifelong relationship between children, reading and books that I hope will help them navigate the murkier waters of growing up, of life.

That is my mighty purpose. What is yours?

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: mighty

Fraud Alert

How do you sleep at night?

What of the lives your crimes affect?

Do they mean nothing to you?

I am a living, breathing person.

Your attempt to swindle me makes me physically sick.

Had you succeeded, I’d have lost more than money.

Dignity. Trust in basic human decency. A home. The feeling that I had some level of cyber-safety given all the measures I take.

You are slime.

I hope you are caught and punished.

I hope you are swindled out of something of true value to you so you know how it feels.

Are you even human?

Or are you just a crumb?

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: crumb and a nefarious internet email hacking scam attempt on me yesterday. It was targeted and personal.

If you or someone you know has experienced an attempt at fraud, report it at the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Wallflower Heart

She waits in the shadows

Yearning to be seen

Afraid to be found lacking

Wearing her best, new, outfit

Hair curled, lips glossy peach

Rubs her lip against her braces

Her heart flutters as he walks by

Calls his name, a tentative whisper

The vibration of her voice

Floats off into the beating music

He doesn’t turn, doesn’t notice

Her hope sinks deep

Back to the well of loneliness

Where her heart lives

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: tentative

Amazing Grace

Why does great beauty make me weep?

The fully fanned-out plumage of a peacock

The rose bud with its petalled ring of fire

The blazing hues of a glorious sunset

A symphonic swell of Tchaikovsky or Bach

I am humbled by their magnificence

Some part of me feels small in comparison

Knows I can never measure up

I forget my own glory

There’s a blind spot in my heart

Or perhaps the tears are another part crying out

To remind me where I come from

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: glorious

Beach Day

First the shock, then I screamed

Sharp stings across my calves

Filled my chest with angry hurt

Blue water, friendly one moment,

Betraying my trust the next

You swept me up in your Goliath arms

Held my beating heart against yours

Pulled me to the safe crevices I knew as Daddy

I squeezed my eyes tight in fury

You asked to see where the hurt was

Rubbed and kissed it, swore at the fish

I think that’s the last happy memory I have of us

Wish I could go back in time

Into the crawlspace of your chest

And be just your daughter again

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: sting

Status Quo

“Allow me to recreate myself,” she said to no one in particular.

Then she realized that as she had never really let anyone get to know the real her, how’d they even be able to tell the difference?

Somehow, this realization took most of the excitement out of the whole idea.

In the end, she decided she might as well stay herself.

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt