Eyes Wide Shut

For the gathousandth time

I look in my own eyes

Searching for a glimpse of her

The girl I was

All I see is shadowy pain

Dimmed promise

Blighted hope

Battered belief

I search still

Who is left in there

Whose pain is being reflected

Whose fatigue

Whose caution and fear

If eyes are the window to the soul

It’s time to move

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The Battle

Sometimes I struggle with life

With living it, that is

I love it, this life

But it’s hard sometimes

And when I am in the struggle

When I feel like life is against me

I forget I’m not alone in it

Everyone’s lives look so easy compared to mine

And I feel so weary

But eventually, the struggle passes

And I return to myself again

Everything is not rainbows and moonbeams

But I can feel the presence of others again

And I no longer feel so…

On my own against the world

And that makes all the difference

Inspired by The Daily Post Archived Daily Word Prompt: struggle

Viable

Mightn’t I just lay down now

I’m so tired

Passed bone-weary last year

Let me just go to sleep

And never waken

Wish my beloveds a sweet farewell

There’s never been a moment of peace

I think I’ve earned some at this point

Maybe this has all been a random experiment

And my cell, never one that was expected to live

Maybe I beat the odds having come this far anyway

Maybe the Universe will sigh a sigh of relief when I let go

Maybe

Inspired by The Daily Word Prompt: viable

Over the Rainbow is Here

Today I bid thee farewell, my special unhappiness

You have been a steady companion lo these many years

You have held my hand and held me back

Kept me safe, yes, but also kept me on the outside

Looking in at my own life

I thought you were a force beyond my grasp

I thought you were put inside me

That I was a host and you had taken root

Turns out that like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz

I have had the key all along

All it takes is this: my decision to let you go

I am sovereign over my own self

And I no longer want  you here, in the driver’s seat

So farewell, my old friend

I am sure you will raise your voice now and then

But I choose to no longer recognize your power

So you may wish to find a new dwelling

My heart is full of other things now

There is no space for you here

Inspired By The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: finally