humor

The Andromeda Stain

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ Leave a comment

It’s happened.

The first stain on one of our new furniture pieces.*

* In our brand new home, we are now living with pretty, lighter rugs and fabrics whereas before we had pretty, pre-strained things that had come from my parents’ home in Texas.

I have been dreading the first spill. Trying to embrace that the day will come.

It was today.

It was made by me. I was sitting at my new desk. I had carelessly left a ballpoint pen with the wicked stylus protruding. My forearm sent it flying, and it fell. My heart fell with it, and I knew before I looked what I would find: a small black ink mark on the new purple office chair seat.

I found ink mark stain removal guidance on line, but we all know how perilous that can be. (The kinds of products and things they assume you have laying around is astonishing.)

I madly read through different ideas, then made a daring attempt involving hairspray, q-tips and mild dish soap.

At first, it looked like I’d not only not gotten the ink out, but I’d created a much bigger stain than the black dot of ink.

“That is what you get,” I thought, “for thinking things could be perfect.”

Somehow, (blessedly), my cleaning attempts have worked in the end. Thank you Perseus.

For today, I can continue the illusion that all will stay pristine forever.

(I know, I know. It is only a matter of time.)

In the meanwhile… I shall tempt the gods as I wait.

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Maybe Someday, Button

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ 2 Comments

Maybe someday I will…

Feel confident about my talents

Love my thighs

Forgive “God” for not giving me what I secretly demand of life

Appreciate my own heart

Speak up for myself in the moment instead of going blank until it is too late

Embrace my imperfections

Drink enough water

Go to sleep simply

Leave my phone out of the bedroom

Be able to do three pull ups

(Do one pull up)

Stop caring so much what I think others will think of me

Spend more time in a day talking positively to myself than I do negatively

Really start living

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: maybe

Black Box

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ 2 Comments

Warning: This woman no longer accepts less than she deserves. At times, may erupt into genuine, whole-body laughter. Has been known to cry when she is so moved, and could care less about what other people think of her. Determined to use her voice and talents until her last dying breath. Interact with her at your own risk. Could cause deep joy and love when taken with respect.

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: warning

New Year’s Resolutions

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ 2 Comments

“Winsome, I am not,” she said through gritted teeth to no one in particular as she sucked in a third time and desperately tried to pull her usual size 6 jeans’ zipper up.

Sadly, it would not go past halfway, and she was left with the sinking-in reality that she had indeed put on some weight around her hips over the holidays despite her best efforts to be mindful of her sweets and alcohol intake.

She peeled off the betraying jeans with a few choice swear words, leaving them in a pile, and dejectedly put on her comfy sweat pants vowing not to eat again until those GD jeans fit.

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: winsome

Quirks and Smiles

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ 9 Comments

I have penchant for: clouds, everything arranged in the cabinet with the labels facing out, blazing sunsets, pastel sunsets, (any and all sunsets,) thinking some place is “just a little farther” but it’s really quite far, flowers (especially daisies,) bright toenail polish, the little pads of a cat’s foot, a baby’s laugh, finding a missing sock, picking at a broken nail, poking my tongue with my pointy inciser tooth, a blade of grass breaking through a crack in a sidewalk, sharing a laugh with a stranger, coconut anything, my husband’s hands.

You?

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: penchant

The Draw

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ 5 Comments

What is it about you?

I cannot let you go.

I feel pulled towards you

no matter what you do

(or don’t do) to me.

This attraction I feel for you

is magnetic…hypnotic…

(it’s…pathetic!

That’s it, no more!

You are dead to me!

Just say no! Walk away!)

God, I love the way your cheeks flush

That little curve at the side of your mouth

Those shining eyes that sparkle wickedly

You’re so funny, and smart…

Hey – what are you doing later?

Me? Oh, nothing. Yeah, I can meet up late tonight.

Sure. I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll be there. Waiting.

(How did that just happen again?)

 

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word prompt: magnetic

 

 

 

 

 

Rebel Without a Cause

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ 6 Comments

Confession: I often poo-poo fads or things that get really popular really fast without even trying them firsthand.

I won't go see a movie that everyone is talking about, for example. Like The Revenant. Wouldn't go see it in the theatre.

It is an annoying habit. A strange, stubborn character trait that I both wear like a badge and admit is pretty ridiculous at the same time.

It's like I just have to go the opposite way because everyone else is all-over a thing.

Like when electric toothbrushes came out.

I had so much judgement around them!

I prided myself on staying old school. I harshly judged those who bought them as "Suckers fallen prey to marketing schemes of money-hungry dentists!"

I mean, come on! Does anybody really need a frigging electric toothbrush? Jeez! Lazy much?

And then, one day, years after they'd been out, I tried one.

And I finally discovered what all the fuss is about.

And now, it is one of my must-have items.

I still haven't passed over into the truly high-end versions.

I love a particular brand, the Colgate Optic White Battery Powered toothbrush. (Full disclosure: a big plus is that it matches my bathroom wall color, a detail that greatly influenced my choice.)

And so just as was the case with jalapeños, Diet Sierra Mist, Tab and QuestBars, I became a convert once I actually tried it for myself.

Sometimes, a fad is just a fad. (I finally did see The Revenant and still think it was way overrated and was not happy when Leo Di Caprio won the Oscar that year for it.)

But sometimes, a fad is a fad for good reason.

And sometimes, I eventually "get it," despite myself.

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: toothbrush

Hard to Get

Aside ~ ~ lifeontheskinnybranches ~ 1 Comment

My attempts to woo her were disastrous

Tried to tempt her with food and drink

She snubbed me most atrociously

Then I thought I saw her wink

I called out to her repeatedly, but all to no avail

First she gave me her back, then she sat there moving just her tail

I finally gave up and left the room, and fell into a fitful sleep

What a surprised when I awoke: there she was, in a purring heap

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: disastrous

In Loving Memory of Sabrina