The Wall Within

Well, I hit a wall of resistance. (And I lost.)

I had planned last Friday to post a video I made for an audition submission, and then, promptly got “too busy” to post it…

Monday came and went…Tuesday came and went…

I could have posted some other content, but some part of me knew I was rat-finking on myself by doing so, so what did I do instead? NOTHING.

Well, that is exactly the sort of behavior that will keep me stuck in my room with my own creations. And that is not where I want to be, ultimately.

So here I am, today. Here is the video I intended to post Friday. Day twenty-five.

Not sure why it is so scary. Fear of judgment? Certainly. But life is filled with judgement. Judgement need not be a four letter word. Judgement is preference, choice. I am all for those.

Fear of criticism. OK, now we are getting closer. Ahhhhh. Sensitivity to being criticized. That is where I need to work up a callus. Develop a thicker skin over the tenderness of my own creations.

Be with the tender and raw vulnerability of sharing creations and yet stay on my own side around whatever chips may fall as they may.

I am good with constructive criticism until I am not…I mean I say I welcome it, and the artist and professional in me do, but deep down inside another part of me dreads it.

So here I am, holding that part’s hand as I share something I made for a general submission for theatre representation. I am resisting pointing out the flaws that I know are in it so as to pseudo-cushion any “blows” that I imagine coming my way.

Today’s post is about being more interested in sharing it than of my fear of doing so.

To be more curious about sharing something and then moving on to create the next thing than of holding on to something and never letting it see the light of day.

What are you keeping in the safe space of your own home that needs to be put into the world?

Do you want to stay with fear or go with curiosity this time?

#DayTwentyFive #TheGetMyWorkOutThereChallenge #facedownresistance #thecreativeprocess #creativityiscollaboration

Stalled

There is such a thing as sitting on the fence too long

If you wait too long to make a choice to go to one side or the other

You might lose the impetus to move altogether

The impulse that got you up on the fence in the first place

Might die a quiet but painful little death

At the very least

You risk getting splinters in your bottom

Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: fence

In Recovery

I am a recovering perfectionist.

(I write of this often.)

One of the most helpful tools I have learned to use to work with this -ism is the following mantra:

“Done is better than perfect.”

― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

Boy, has this helped me make great strides.

Before this quote found its way into my psyche, I would procrastinate out the wazoo, or sit on and spin out over a project, desperate for it to be “complete” enough to put in the public eye.

Problem was, nothing was ever “good enough” to be complete.

It was hard at first, but by now, I am much better at just getting it done and out there. Through practice, I am learning the value of getting it done and letting it go.

I can always make changes and improve later.

Better done than perfect. Because perfect never comes.

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: perfection

Olly Olly Moxie Free

I am going to do it.

I am!

Really.

I have begun to really think about getting to it.

I’ve been getting ready to start to consider doing it.

I’m preparing to be ready to start.

I am so totally going to do it.

I’ve already been doing it…in a way.

It’s what I’ve wanted to do my whole life!

So what if maybe deep down I don’t actually think I am very good at it?

Yeah, maybe I am afraid that I don’t really fit in with the whole industry,

I’m still going to do it!

I just have to find a way to do it while being secretly terrified of actually trying.

Because, like, what if I fail?

What if I finally try, and I actually fail?

What will I revolve my whole life around then?

 

Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: moxie