No darling, I think not.
I just don’t want you.
No darling, I think not.
I just don’t want you.
What you did to me
The position you put me in
Contaminated my insides
Deposited sludge in my veins
Dark, thick and foul
Could not be contained
A pollutant infesting my waters
Every time I think I’m clean
I feel the slime come again
It catches in the corners
The nooks and crannies of me
And heaviness sets into my bones
I love this article so much, I had to share it today!
(I am emailing it to my husband and close friends, so that they can finally understand some of the things that make me, well, me. )
Pop over now to read “12 THINGS INTROVERTS ABSOLUTELY NEED TO BE HAPPY.”
The author is The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World. From her site:the founder of IntrovertDear.com and the author of the bestselling book,
She blogs for Psychology Today, and her writing has been featured on Quiet Revolution, The Huffington Post, The Mighty, The Muse, and elsewhere. Speaking as an expert on introversion, she has appeared on numerous radio programs and podcasts. For most of her life, Jenn felt weird, different, and out of place because of her quiet ways; now, she writes about introversion because she doesn’t want other introverts to feel the way she did
Boy am I glad she writes about this. It is so spot on.
Numbers 6 & 9!!!
I have read many articles on introvert behavior, but this was the first mention of having difficulty putting things into words and needing a room of one’s own or time in a space on our own. We are moving into a new apartment next year, and I am thrilled that I will have one room that will be all my own. I cannot put into words what this means for me!
I thought it was just one of my idiosyncrasies, but it seems I am not alone.
I have already ordered her book to read more.
My fellow introverts, what do you think?
No longer have to trademark my grief
Don’t need the world to see where I was broke
I’ve given myself full attention and love
All I’d held dormant is now woke
I’ve befriended it all, found a place in my heart
For what used to have me in tatters
Don’t need you to see it to make it all real
It’s mine now, and that’s all that matters
I gave you my heart, outright
Had I known you’d be giving it back someday
I would have charged interest
Coincidence? I think not. Happenstance? No.
It was divine guidance. Fate. Destiny. Meant to be.
I would never have been in Central Park otherwise that day. Hadn’t been there for years.
Avoided it, actually, as I did any person, place or thing that connected me to you, or the us that we had been.
But for some reason (it felt so random at the time,) I decided to get on the train and head uptown.
It was a sunny Labor Day. New York City felt generous without most of her locals taking up space.
I had no plans. I was trying to stay active so as not to slip into loneliness.
I came out of the subway at Columbus Circle. No plan. No route in mind. I wandered, following my nose, enjoying just being in the world.
I suddenly realized I was in “our” spot, on the Great Lawn. A fluttery fear made its presence known in my belly.
Without conscious intention, my eyes scanned the horizon, and just as I realized what I was doing, I saw you lying there.
Even face down, I’d know your body anywhere. Long, lanky, tanned. Shirt off, ripped, worn jeans low on your hips.
My heart somersaulted. A rush of heartache and bruised love and attraction rushed through my body.
In a moment of agonizing indecision, I considered turning away, walking past, walking on.
But my feet and heart had other ideas, and they took me to where I was standing over you.
Did you feel my presence, or was it just that I was blocking the sun?
You turned your head and said hello.
Just like that.
It had been three years of no contact. Three years since I came home to an apartment emptied of your things. A total shock.
Three years since I learned you’d been seeing other people for at least the last year of our relationship.
Three years of putting the pieces of my heart and my life back together, mending the gaping holes you left.
And today, of all days, “randomly,” our paths cross.
I say I’m well, and I mean it. I ask how you are, and then I wish you well, and I mean that too.
The truth is, I’ve never been better. The truth is, you don’t look so well.
I see the pack of cigarettes and the empty tallboys in the grass. I see a guy who is nursing last night’s drunk with midday hair of the dog.
You look like you’re in exactly the same place you were before the shit hit the fan. The place where we both drank too much. The lost place. The place where our love did not survive.
I see this, and I wish you well, from my heart, and I walk away.
I smile to myself, a bit astonished at my strength. The capacity of my heart to forgive. My resilience. My spirit. At the Universe knowing the perfect moment, the exact moment I am ready for it, providing me with this chance to see that I have healed. This chance to let it all go.
I move forward, into the sunlight, into the lush green of the park, into the present beauty of my life.
I reach for you
Met with cold, darkness
I spin around again, on my own
You turn and reach out then
But I don’t see you
Time goes slowly
We revolve around each other
Like two planets
On opposite sides of a galaxy
Far, far away
She waits in the shadows
Yearning to be seen
Afraid to be found lacking
Wearing her best, new, outfit
Hair curled, lips glossy peach
Rubs her lip against her braces
Her heart flutters as he walks by
Calls his name, a tentative whisper
The vibration of her voice
Floats off into the beating music
He doesn’t turn, doesn’t notice
Her hope sinks deep
Back to the well of loneliness
Where her heart lives
A thorny crown of my own making
Embedded in my righteous mind
I no longer feel the pain
You cut the wood, laid it at my feet
But the cross I bear I made myself
My tears became the stain
These things are woven into
The life and form I take today
Don’t know how to cut them out
Can I survive their extrication
Or am I Siamese with myself
Forever connected, inextricably devout
Every time you let anger lead
Every time you pull away
Know there is a cost
Something else is drained
Something in me
Is whittled away, bit by bit
They say that real love is
But it is not a bottomless well
There is a finite store
There is an invisible line
And one day,
That amount will be used up
Take care, my love
Chose your battles well
And refill the well of goodness
Create a surplus of love
From which we can draw
When love is strained by conflict
I am rooting for us
But there is a natural law we can’t fight
Just like no one lives forever
No love survives incessant onslaught without damage