I got very caught up in getting my work out there yesterday and did not post.
I am tempted to say that I “fell off the wagon.”
But the fact is, I put my attention elsewhere. And as one of my mentors, Erin Stutland recently posted about, there is no wagon! I was just living my life. Sometimes I get to everything I plan to, sometimes I do other things.
So here I am today, taking the time to post. I had a casting this AM and am now in the midst of preparing scenes for classes and for auditions. I am also finishing the first draft of the teaser for the web series I am co-creating with my production company collaborators.
I can see that there’s a steady flow of getting my work out there going on this week.
But it doesn’t really feel like it.
That, I think, is one of the tough things about being your own boss. Running your own business. There’s very little tangible feedback the way there is when you work in a division, under a manager. You have to remember to give that to yourself. To inventory and acknowledge accomplishments (however small). To take time to make an honest appraisal of where your time and energy are going.
There’s no wagon to fall off, but there is a plan, after all. And there is a living to make…
And there is life to be lived. Today, I am choosing to live it with joy and grace and ease. And some sweat. And laughter. And maybe some dancing. Lots of creating.
What about you? How are you choosing to live today?
#TheGetMyWorkOutThereChallenge #daytwenty-two #keepgoing
I listen for my own breath, feel the beat of my heart.
I’ve been a hostage so long, no longer know my own name.
I must be real, must be a person. Am I right? I don’t know.
Racing thoughts, like the beating wings of a thousand birds,
Chase away any sense of Self, bring on the fatigue that I call Me.
With no true mirror to look for evidence that I exist, no clues of who I am,
I once again drift off into the abyss of the Land of the TV People
Where I find my home and family, where I live out my wildest dreams.
#The Get My WorkOutThereChallenge #DayThree
I feel you there
Just behind my eyes
Behind the long-since modified smile the world sees
I no longer wear a mask
Yet I know
That the me I was before
The me that has yet to live
Still lives a ghostly life within
I get glimpses when I look
With the right sight
The way a child sees playmates
Where others do not
Other times you are gone
Do you leave me
Or do I leave you
Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt 2016: ghost
Thanks to a new daily post community: https://guestdailyposts.wordpress.com/guest-pingbacks/
Maybe someday I will…
Feel confident about my talents
Love my thighs
Forgive “God” for not giving me what I secretly demand of life
Appreciate my own heart
Speak up for myself in the moment instead of going blank until it is too late
Embrace my imperfections
Drink enough water
Go to sleep simply
Leave my phone out of the bedroom
Be able to do three pull ups
(Do one pull up)
Stop caring so much what I think others will think of me
Spend more time in a day talking positively to myself than I do negatively
Really start living
Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: maybe
It is easy to live life unconsciously hurting yourself in ways that seem subtle, but add up.
These are the small and large ways I deprive myself daily:
I do not drink enough water
I wait until my towels and sheets are seriously past their prime before getting new ones
I hurl myself through experiences sometimes with little attention to the scared parts of me that are there being hurled too
I push myself to seem happier than I feel so as not to bum others out
I push away my anger, hearing my father’s voice: “No one loves an angry girl.”
I skip over little hurts (but they still hurt,) sending the message that they don’t count (but they do)
I don’t take the time to cheer myself for all that I am doing right
I hold off going to pee until it is the last minute
How are you depriving yourself in little and large ways?
Acknowledge that, turn each thing around on itself by identifying the opposite action, and voila! You have a beautiful self-care list!
Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Prompt: deprive
I’m in awe of you
Of your courage
The capacity of your heart to forgive
Your continual willingness to try no matter what
Your full-hearted commitment to living your truth
Your love of life that always manages to overcome your darkness
Your never- ending spirit in the face of despair
I am in awe of you
You are my hero
Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: awe
I have been operating under the following assumptions:
That I am plain, average and dull
That I am unmemorable, forgettable
That to surrender to pleasure is a death sentence
That love becomes humiliation overnight
That vulnerability ends in shame
But I am finally reframing these beliefs
I am choosing to find new truths:
I am lovely, unique and vibrant
I am memorable, unforgettable
Pleasure is safe and begets more pleasure
Love always elevates and is never wrong or cruel
Vulnerability is my birthright and there is no shame in it ever
So you see, I got this
(No thanks to you, btw)
Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: assumption
Warning: This woman no longer accepts less than she deserves. At times, may erupt into genuine, whole-body laughter. Has been known to cry when she is so moved, and could care less about what other people think of her. Determined to use her voice and talents until her last dying breath. Interact with her at your own risk. Could cause deep joy and love when taken with respect.
Inspired by The Daily Post Word Prompt: warning
It’s high time to assemble you all
To congregate the many parts of my self
That with which I struggle and push
And that which brings me joy and wealth
The brave, the meek, the in-between
Sit you all aside one another in peace
I promise equal time for all: I love you each
It is time for the Great War to cease
Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: congregate
She held her breath and waited
Looking for a permit to be who she really was
For someone to say, OK, now you can be you
It never occurred to her it was her choice
Until it was almost too late
She released her breath and stepped forward
Into the beauty of the unknown
And went to see who she would find inside
Inspired by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: permit