Still looking for the panacea
To take away the demons
To quiet the fear inside
Some say try God: I have
Tried booze, drugs, sex and more
And still I am left with me
If you try to drown out the screams
They only get stronger
Magic Bullet
fantasy
Flight
I lay on my side
Face away from the door
Stay still, slow my breath
Pray he thinks I’m asleep
Then a breeze shocks my back
The sheet lifts, the bed shifts
Hot breath at my neck
No luck tonight, fear chokes my heart
I go into a trance, nothingness
The familiar comfort of the void
Leave my body, don’t need it
My soul and I, we float into the wallpaper
Shallow Depths
Deep within
There is a certain part of me
Who stills believes
Life would be so much better
If I'd been born beautiful:
A super model, a movie star
Shallow, I know,
But that part of me's convinced
Nothing sways her
She doesn't care that you
Can't cherrypick and you'd get
All their shit too (and that we all have shit)
She is absolutely sure
To be adored for your looks
Would beat the rest
That being loved for a face or body
Is more than enough for her
And she won't hear otherwise
This part of me
Would make a deal with a thousand devils
It would sell my soul
For the chance to find out
If life really is better for the super stars and models
I've given up trying
To win her over to Self-Love Land
She cannot comprehend adult logic
So I hold her hand
And I say "I hear you," then lead her into the deeper waters to play
Pain Management
I long to go under
Lose consciousness, go blank
Slip away into nothingness.
What does that say about me?
A local’s not enough.
I don’t need the area around the wound deadened
I need to be deadened.
I am the wound.
Put me out, put me under
Let me go down into the void.
Maybe I’ll come back
Maybe not
Either way, I’ll have relief at last.
Life by Blanche
Lesson One:
Darling, don’t you know
The whole point of illusions
Is to steer one away from the truth.
That’s exactly why I love them so.
– Blanche DuBois
Sea Wish
I bob and weave/gasp for air
Choke on the waves of my own home-self.
Surfacing, I am adrift, again –
Singular, supine, searching.
The shore in sight but always foreign
No matter how many times I land.
Longing, leering, leaning –
Never touching what I reach for.
Though the waters are troubled
I know who I am in them.
To be a fish, no mind to muddy the picture,
Must be better than this compass-less life.
Prompted by The Daily Post Daily Word Prompt: adrift
Life On The Skinny Branches 